Abuse

I don't know from sometime I am getting more and more abusive and violent. I sometimes thinks am I being taken over by someone paranormal. What is it inside me which is out of my control and on the contrary starts controlling myself.
Sometimes even I woke up in the early morning my heads keep on spinning but why when I know everything will remain as it is even why I keep on thinking about just bad things. Why I cannot live in present as GITA says. Why cannot God let me know his presence when I keep on constantly asking for his help. Its like self war which is endless and don't know where it will lead me. Am I come pout of it alive or will I lose it my bad part. This is a war of Mahabharat and I am constantly seeking Gid's help , however it seems that mammoth invisible power doesn't want to help me. I don't know the reason , but me????
Anyhow my wish and hope is I should win this war. But who knows the end.. I don't know how many Birth I have already taken just to fight with my these habits and despite I want to get rid of them how many more Birth I have yet to take to WIN... But I know one thing for sure.. This war will centrally end and there will be a winner as well till then there is no stopping.. disappointments may happen, but no loser.